Parenting

Here's my take on parenting...now as most of you know, Zach and I do not have kids yet. So anything I say here could very well be thrown out the window once we experience the real deal. But at least for now, these are my observations and thoughts.

There are 3 kinds of parenting and like most things, they fall on a spectrum. On the far right side are parents who exhort a lot of authority and control over their kids. They are constantly telling them what to do, how to do it and when to do it. There is not much of a relationship because the child cannot relate to such an authority figure. There is a mutual love that is shared, but the child could also be living in constant fear that he is not measuring up to the parent's expectations.

The far left side of the spectrum are parents who could care less what their kids do or how they do it. They don't give any kind of direction or have any expectations. It's more of a "kids running the house" situation with little discipline or order. We all hear that kids need structure, but in this situation, they aren't getting much of it.

And of course, the middle of the spectrum is a balance between the two. It's a peer-to-peer type of relationship that still has the parent in an authority position. The child knows his boundaries, but also can talk to the parent about what's on his mind or share certain thoughts and feelings without the sense of being judged.

My parents were probably between the middle and far right spectrum. At times, I felt like I could talk to them about what I was going through (more when I was older), but for the most part - they exemplified an authority presence where I knew the boundaries and knew they couldn't be crossed - which is not a bad thing. That is the positive part of the far right spectrum. But I think there is a fine line where the child could mostly feel dictated or controlled and consequently, miss out on an open, honest and mutually giving relationship. The way I know my parents did everything in love is that when I turned 18, they didn't continue to have that authority hold on me. They offered their advice, but let me make my own decisions. That tells me that they were intentional and purposeful about the way they raised their kids, knowing that when we became adults, we would positively contribute to the world.

I just hope that when Zach and I are parents, we are able to lovingly present boundaries, but also have a healthy relationship where our kids can come to us without any fear of being judged and just have an ear to listen.